When you revise, first, take more care with having a plan for your discussion. What is your main idea/focus and how do you plan to make that case? Next, create an opening that works, that has specific details, that captures your reader's mind and interest.
Also, you all need to get off the "it" and "thing" train. . .your words are far too often vague. Again, write with PURPOSE and CARE. Too many of these drafts were careless. . .
• Start noticing the conventions of APA. Your sources are included AS PART OF YOUR ESSAY (last page after a page break) and labeled as "References," not "Works Cited" (that is MLA).
• Title page? Name and information?
• Effective writing must have an organizational plan.
• Be specific and clear, always.
• Statements mean little without evidence; evidence means little without elaboration.
• Take care with WORD CHOICE and avoiding VAGUE language.
